I am kicking myself right now, I feel so stupid and ridiculous, I actually thought he asked me out. This is the same dude that has given me the mother of all headaches in this life; I was so elated and was even bragging to my friends about how he asked me out.
Let me rewind a little bit, I got a text message from him yesterday and he went “Do you like stage plays? There’s one showing on Saturday at 5pm” I was like oh yea, he can’t live without me, I knew it, trying to play it cool, I replied “yes I do”. All for dude to call me this morning saying, so how many tickets do you want, I was taken aback but I held my own, told him it was up to him, he said one of his colleagues was selling tickets and since he couldn’t go he wanted to buy tickets for someone else, I guess It’s something that he thought of me but he may also be buying for other people so I guess I should not feel so special. Sent him a text a few minutes later conveniently remembering a friend was coming over and she’s not up for a play.
It always amazes me how we as human beings feel the need to be wanted and needed, it’s usually a letdown when we see that the people we love don’t love us or need us or even want us anymore. When parents realize their children are all grown up and don’t really need them anymore, they realize they have only thought they wanted this, it’s not what they want at all, they want that little baby back. So let me get back to my story, I’m still kinda living it as we can see from the beginning of my post.
So one night he called me up, can’t really remember what led up to this but he asked what I was up to and I said (slutty me) nothing or do you have anything for me? after that all I remember is going over, kissing him and the rest is history. I must confess I am a nosy parker and this gets you into trouble, I had read some of his text messages while he wasn’t looking, from there figured he had been in some kinda relationship, seemed like a serious one, didn’t ask questions though, was living in the moment and it was bliss.
Was out with my girls one evening and I see dudes car as I was about to walk into the cinema, just as I am about to flag the brother down, I see him with “the ex”, I rung his cell he didn’t pick up, this was the dude that told me he would be working all day. Background on the ex; they met first year of uni, dated for about 9 years, proposed to her, she said no (don’t ask me why), they never had sex, she was his first love, you would think armed with all this info, I would respect myself and walk away but hey, I am a dumb girl just like everyone else I have judged.
Friday, September 18, 2009
Monday, September 14, 2009
The never ending Pursuit of Happiness
If you’re one of those people that think you’re incomplete without a partner, don’t worry, you’re not alone, I am a self proclaimed dependant on others for my happiness, lol. Seriously though, I have for the past 9 odd years of my life (keep in mind, I am just turning 24) been searching for happiness in the form of a man, I have gotten it for a few seconds and then it eludes me again. I haven’t understood it though, I toiled, worked hard, did everything I was supposed to do, by the book and all but it still doesn’t work out and believe me, there is no answer to the “WHY” question, because I have asked it a million times.
This has brought me to the conclusion that the only way to true happiness is within one’s self, believe me, as I say it, I don’t believe it either even though I know it’s true. It’s easy to come up with what we are supposed to do and what the right thing is, we are all adults after all and we all have functioning brains but actually carrying out the “right thing”, now that’s where the issue is. Don’t you just hate it when people come over and say;”Dude, what the hell are you doing?” or “Babe, you know you’re going about this all wrong”. When it comes to matters of the heart, there’s no right or wrong thing to do, we usually just go with our gut, this is the one time in life we ignore our brain and go with our heart.
Its only befitting I use my life as an example, if I am going to seem like I know what I am talking about, it has to be seen that I have also gone through it as most of us have. This is a story of my most recent love tragedy.
It was a bright evening and my sisters wanted to go to the store and as the nice big sister (well, sometimes), I drove them over, as they got out I looked around and decided to sit in the car, my hair was jacked up and a scarf was my saving grace, then I saw my friend, hadn’t seen her in ages so I ran into the store after her. While we stood chatting and catching up, some dude comes over saying he couldn’t help but overhear us talking about an exam he just took, I was so excited about finding someone who had taken the exam that I asked for his number, his address and when I could come get the exam materials, I didn’t even go through the proper channels, “let him get your number n all” but hey, I wasn’t even looking at him like that.
He called me the next day and said he was in the area and I could come pick him up so we could go get the books, we got talking and the conversation soon shifted from the exam to “when was the last time you saw a movie”, I hadn’t seen one in ages and my knight in shining armor took it upon himself to change that. On the day of the date, I took my sisters for back up, (still wasn’t looking at him like that though) as I got to the cinema, I saw he also brought his own back up, his friend and his friends younger sister, lol. After the movie, we went out to dinner (I had ditched my sisters at this point) and I think that was when I started looking at him “like that”, he was funny, cute, charming, didn’t usually go for the ones in glasses but what the hell, I was single.
To be continued
This has brought me to the conclusion that the only way to true happiness is within one’s self, believe me, as I say it, I don’t believe it either even though I know it’s true. It’s easy to come up with what we are supposed to do and what the right thing is, we are all adults after all and we all have functioning brains but actually carrying out the “right thing”, now that’s where the issue is. Don’t you just hate it when people come over and say;”Dude, what the hell are you doing?” or “Babe, you know you’re going about this all wrong”. When it comes to matters of the heart, there’s no right or wrong thing to do, we usually just go with our gut, this is the one time in life we ignore our brain and go with our heart.
Its only befitting I use my life as an example, if I am going to seem like I know what I am talking about, it has to be seen that I have also gone through it as most of us have. This is a story of my most recent love tragedy.
It was a bright evening and my sisters wanted to go to the store and as the nice big sister (well, sometimes), I drove them over, as they got out I looked around and decided to sit in the car, my hair was jacked up and a scarf was my saving grace, then I saw my friend, hadn’t seen her in ages so I ran into the store after her. While we stood chatting and catching up, some dude comes over saying he couldn’t help but overhear us talking about an exam he just took, I was so excited about finding someone who had taken the exam that I asked for his number, his address and when I could come get the exam materials, I didn’t even go through the proper channels, “let him get your number n all” but hey, I wasn’t even looking at him like that.
He called me the next day and said he was in the area and I could come pick him up so we could go get the books, we got talking and the conversation soon shifted from the exam to “when was the last time you saw a movie”, I hadn’t seen one in ages and my knight in shining armor took it upon himself to change that. On the day of the date, I took my sisters for back up, (still wasn’t looking at him like that though) as I got to the cinema, I saw he also brought his own back up, his friend and his friends younger sister, lol. After the movie, we went out to dinner (I had ditched my sisters at this point) and I think that was when I started looking at him “like that”, he was funny, cute, charming, didn’t usually go for the ones in glasses but what the hell, I was single.
To be continued
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